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Since the first Klitnacht attracted too many good-looking and emotionally, physically, and intellectually attractive people and not enough FINANCIALLY attractive people, we're going to do things a little differently this time around. That's right, we have a brand new door policy: EVERY SINGLE PERSON who shows up WILL be REJECTED at the door initially (animals and bugs welcome/possibly already inside). BUT, don't politely walk away, let alone despair! From there, it's up to you how to proceed. This is where the new patented Klitnacht door control process really begins. You will need to come up with a convincing reason or clever ruse to gain entry to the club. Each method of entry will only work ONE TIME. After that, the next person who tries the same method will be fully rejected and totally not allowed to immediately get back in line to think of something else and try again, that we know of. Here are some potential ideas (some tried and true and others just off the top of my head): -turning around and getting straight back in the end of the line and hoping they don't remember you when you get to the door again: probably only the first person in line can get away with this one, which is absolutely going to be me because I have to set up for the party. -going home and changing your outfit to conform to the dress code (which is nebulous for this party. This is a kink party, obviously, you PAYPIG, so make it cute-wait what am i saying...LOOK RICH) and then hoping they don't remember you when you get back. -Bribing the doorman (me). Simple as. but remember, he only gets to accept ONE BRIBE all night so you will need to make it WELL worth his while so you might want to personally meet the CFO of your brokerage to beg it for more leverage this week. -going on some dating app real quick and begging a hottie to show up and wait in line with you to get you in (multiple hour long line this time, guaranteed! Gotta be. Gotta be.). We'll be giving an EXTREMELY intrusive immigration-style relationship quiz to each couple that arrives after the first couple in line. I'm single so I will be arriving with whatever cute sub(s?) I meet at whichever club lets me in this weekend, therefore everyone gets the quiz -reasoning/debating with the doorman. This is where it gets interesting. The possibilities are limitless. If you can come up with a good reason, you're in! Potential methods include: Showing your checking account balance (the first entrant to use this method will set the benchmark and any subsequent attempts will need to set a higher standard to gain entry). No fuckin bitcoin wallet, no fuckin brokerage account, no fuckin real estate holdings, we want LIQUID in the club unless you collateralize it for a personal loan while i'm watching to boost your number. "but dude, I was at Renate earlier!" "But DUDE, I was IN Renate earlier!" Oh, say no more your highness "But bro, my butler forgot my suitcase full of rich person clothes in Cannes and my Givenchy rep said he couldn't get me a new blouson until Tuesday!" We must have the same butler and a different Givenchy rep, bitch "Do they sell cigarettes here?" Yep. "My watch costs more than you have in your retirement account." What retirement account? "You're seriously telling me you've never heard of the flip flops, shorts, and a hoodie fetish?" Um, I live the lifestyle, babe "Is this the line for Burgermeister" yep. "What's all that noise coming from back there?" "I'm going to call someone, this is ridiculous. my walls are vibrating" "Something in German that DJ Clit Edging doesn't understand" although he will say "Was??" afterwards and make you repeat whatever you said just to make sure you weren't talking shit -walking up the Guest List and VIP queue and trying there. This one is somewhat exploitable. You could try: namedropping a DJ, pretending to be a family member, pretending to be the DJ themselves, pretending to be DJ Clit Edging (I admire the audacity but nah cause my sweet naive subs might get confused) or explaining why you're such a VIP in the most condescending way you can think of. Especially if you can bring some evidence of your importance like a diploma or newspaper articles, sculptures you've created, DJ Clit Edging-themed tv shows you've written, knockoff DJ Clit Edging merchandise you've commissioned, how many instagram followers you have, etc. Clever tricks that might fool the doorman include: -bringing a wrapped pallet full of some item you bought as a gift for the promoter and saying you have a delivery for a "DJ Clit Edging??" as if you've never heard the name -luring the doorman away from the door with a kokosriegel if you want a big, dumb, cute, stray, cold, wet, and hungry DJ Clit Edging to give a forever home to. But you really better have more at home because those are like 1/3 of his diet -throwing your wallet through the door of the club and going "oh shit! I dropped my wallet!". This could work with any number of items, including but not limited to (get creative!): Keys, a plastic cup full of cup deposit tokens from Klittag, your wedding ring, undergarments, etc. -Using some item to mimic talking on a cell phone (wallet, banana, shoe, your fingers in the hang loose sign, etc.) and just walking through the door pretending to wave to your friend while DJ Clit Edging politely tries to get your attention (a la the film "Baghead"). Bonus points if you act annoyed at the intrusion "uhm, heh...i don't know if you, liekkkk, noticed or whatever? but can't you see I'm in the middle of a CONVERSATION?" Anyway, you get the idea. IF YOU SHOW UP IN A GROUP, YOU EACH MUST THINK OF YOUR OWN ENTRY METHOD OR A GROUP ENTRY METHOD THAT DOESNT TAKE YOU PAST THE PAT DOWN because that's the fun part >:) GUARANTEED ADMITTANCE: -Premium Bottle and Table Service. Be prepared to pay DEARLY. Ice buckets, Ice itself, chairs/seating for the tables, and drinking vessels will be rented by the hour separately pending a small deposit, which will fluctuate based on how much money you seem like you have. ONE corkscrew (a wooden butter knife uhh borrowed [not stolen, I mean they're free, right?] from alnatura) and ONE bottle opener (an empty lighter) will be available for bidding via a silent auction which will take place in the roped off VIP area whenever each winner is finished with the impliment. if the winning bidder doesn't know how to open a bottle with a lighter or butter knife, DJ Clit Edging will do it personally for a mystery price (oooh! I wonder what it could be!?). I know what you're thinking and YES, one extremely rich person that wants to flex extra despite already being in the VIP Bottle Service Premium Containm-I mean Lounge can attempt to win the silent auction repeatedly and freeze everyone else out from opening their drinks for the entire party. Fair is fair. Payment MUST be delivered in LIGHT SWEET CRUDE OIL FUTURES and/or GOLD BULLION. none of that fiat monopoly money bullshit or borderline useless metals like copper or platinum. Not trying to have you assholes stealing catalytic converters and shit like last Klitnacht. Speaking of which, bringing my screwdriver back is guaranteed entrance Ticket info: Limit 1 per customer per encounter RSVP by yelling your account balance at DJ Clit Edging to startle him. If you don't startle him it doesn't count.